if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
