Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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