girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
