Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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