Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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