Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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