Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
