I am full of burrito and curiosity
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize