So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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