I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
