someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Farmville is her only friend.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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