Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
