i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
