are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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