drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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