the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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