Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
