what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm at about main and main street
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
