Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
