then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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