the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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