I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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