apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
