His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
