two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just high enough for therapy.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
