What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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