i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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