mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
