Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
