Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
