If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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