there was a trapeze. enough said
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
