ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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