Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
