I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
