You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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