And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
