She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize