I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
