you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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