My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
