I just threw up on my dentist
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
