and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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