He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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