I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
this hospital has no fireball
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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