you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
