It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize