i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
