she looked like the before picture.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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