I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
