no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
