____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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