Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize