You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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