Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
