Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
