Just fell off a train. Bad.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
not ubering you a puppy
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
