When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
