Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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