i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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