remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
