What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
