And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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