how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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