**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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