i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
