im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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