I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
