At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
