so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
