Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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