Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And then my night got REAL pukey
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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