just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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