i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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