Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize