make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
