I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
